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By Amaka Chika-Mbonu January 31, 2019 In Blog

I Want The Fairy Tale

Another Valentine’s Day’s here again. Flowers, candy, and cards. Love is in the air and everywhere. Most people love love, and for us women, many of us want the fairytale. BUT, is it real?

We’ve all read the fairy-tales, Cinderella, Snow White, watched the movies, Nollywood, Hollywood, Bollywood where boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, they stare into each others eyes, its electrifying, they may face some challenge or obstacle along the way but, they overcome, their love conquers all, they get married, ride off into the sunset together and from there on out, live happily ever after. 

But… anyone who’s been married for any length of time will tell you that this is definitely not quite exactly how the cookie crumbles. They would also tell you that marriage is not for babies, neither is it for the faint of heart. It is for mature, (not always a function of age) disciplined people, who understand the nature, and the full ramifications of true commitment

I read or heard somewhere (can’t remember where) that “Happily Ever After” (the fairy-tale) is a story that hasn’t ended yet. True Talk!

Every woman wants the ‘Fairy-tale’  but is the fairy-tale notion of marriage, fantasy, fiction, or fact?

Most women want to be wooed, pursued, constantly affirmed, and reaffirmed. It’s a good feeling right? The fact that you know, that you know, that you knowthat this guy really wants you, and is ready, willing, and able to take the necessary steps to try to have you, to get you, and keep getting you, even when married. It makes you feel tingly all  over, it makes you feel special and desired, it’s heady, giddy, it’s exciting, it’s flattering it’s . . . unreal?

Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years later, in marriage, and even if you came out in sackcloth  and ashes, shaved your head, rimmed your eyes round with white chalk like a witch doctor and announced loudly “I’m ready”, he’d probably look up and say something like “About time too, let’s go, we’re late”.

The question is, and I’m asking this sincerely, why can’t the pursuit resulting in this heady, exciting, giddy feeling, at least for us women, be taken into into marriage, and even if it could, sHould it?

 I read or heard somewhere (can’t remember where) that “Happily Ever After” (the fairy-tale) is a story that hasn’t ended yet. True Talk!

 How come all the things he did to get you, he refuses, or claims he doesn’t know how to do, to keep you?

Guys can you hear me? Answers please.

 Remember when he’d call you on the phone and speak for hours on end about everything and anything under the sun. Now you can barely get a decipherable grunt out of him on a good day, on a bad day just a glare.

Research says men have xx words and women xxxxxxxxxx. Really???

Funny this wasn’t the case when you were, to use the old-fashioned word… ‘wooing me’.

When you’d ask where I was going, how long I was going to be there, could you pick me up, have dinner. . . Just see me. Wow times change.

Or take for instance the fact that when you got dressed up to go anywhere, he’d take a long hard look at you from the top to the bottom, (not bottom, bottom, that too, but I’m talking about to your feet), and say something, that each time you’d remember it during the course of the evening and even for some weeks to come, you’d blush and feel tingly all over.

A series I watched on Telly, a beautiful woman came out all dressed up and her husband said to her, “if that’s my birthday present(meaning her), I can’t wait to unwrap it”. Guess that’s just ‘in the movies’.

 They’re so many examples  one could give,  but let’s look at this last one ‘cos I guess by now guys and gals alike you’ve got the picture.

 How about the fact that even after a hard daY at work in the evenings you couldn’t wait to get me out of whatever I was in and make love to me.

 After this hard day at work, we could cuddle up and watch a movie. Despite work, we could talk, laugh, play, fightand makeup. What has changed?

 I guess like I said at the beginning of this article, ‘…unreAl’? ‘Only in the movies’.

 Maybe love just changes, fades, matures.

 But I sure do miss “The Passion Of Pursuit.” Do you?

 Since our God Himself instituted marriage and the marriage covenant, lets look at His blueprint for it since His word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path, Psalm 119:105

What is our God-given entitlement as legitimately married women or women looking forward to being married. Does it include the fairy-tale?

 It is very important to explore this, as it will enable us to violently claim what is ours as of right, if it is indeed included in ‘The Books.’ Matthew 11:12  And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force  always bearing in mind though that 2 Corinthians 10:4  says the weapons of our warfare are not carnal…

 ‘The Books’ say that we should be loved completely, passionately, and sacrificially by our husbands, and the standard and the yardstick for the love we are to be the recipient of, is none other than the Creator of the heavens and the earth Himself, Ephesians 5:25 Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it

 We are to be nourished, and cherished, Ephesians 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:  

To husband He says in he ought to love you as his own body, he is to nourish you and cherish you as the Lord does the church.

 We are to be loved exclusively, no third party should be in this relationship bar God. We are not suppose to have to compete with his mother, father, sister, brother, friend nor any strange woman for his love, attention, and/or support Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31 …a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they two shall be one flesh. God created them male and female, Genesis 1:27, 5:2; Matthew 19:4; Mark 10:6. No extramarital relationships, Exodus 20:14; Matthew 5:27-28

 We are not out of order to expect understanding, and to be understood by our husbands as ‘The Books’ say Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor to the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers  be not hindered, 1 Peter 3:7

 We would be deluding ourselves if we didn’t expect that there would be challenges and obstacles, offences and persecution will come, Matthew 18:7; Luke 17:1; John 16:33; 2 Timothy 3:12 but the truth is that if we let it, deep, intense, fervent love can, will, and does have the potential to conquer all, to overcome, and to cover a multitude of sins, John 16:33b;1 Peter 4:8

I want the fairytale, I want to be wooed, pursued, affirmed… often. Unreal? Just the fodder of movies? I’m inclined not to think so. The fairytale is not all there is to marriage, but it is most definitely a part of it.


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