The statistics seem to bear this out. It is estimated that roughly 30 to 60 percent of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage (see Buss & Shackelford). In the African setting this is likely to be much higher, and I’m talking among couples who have married in a church or civil ceremony.
Not to rain on anyone’s parade, but, it has also been found that a happy marriage is no guarantee that a spouse will be faithful. Happily married people sometimes cheat due to a desire for novelty
The ‘religious folk’ are not left out. A study from ‘Christianity Today’ an evangelical Christian periodical shows that 45 percent of Christians have done something they considered sexually inappropriate, 23 percent have had extramarital intercourse, and 28 percent have engaged in other forms of sexual contact.
As a born-again Christian who believes in the inerrancy and veracity of the word of God as contained in the Bible, I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman, exclusive of all others, and that it is supposed to be for a lifetime not just a moment in time.
Infidelity threatens everything stated above and it is my belief, based on Jude Three, that it MUST be confronted.
WHY must we confront infidelity if we find that it has reared its destructive and divisive head in our home?
Well, for one, it is in direct opposition to the word of God. Matthew Nineteen Four to Six – and other places in scripture – speaks to this. It says; ‘In the beginning, God made them male and female’, ‘for this reason a man leaves and cleaves and becomes ONE with his wife’, —when this ‘oneness’ happens NO ONE should separate them, preventing them from being together and entering the fullness of what God has promised them.
This is just like Goliath who defied the armies of the living God, standing in the way of the Israelites, God’s chosen people just like you and I. Preventing them from pressing into the fullness of the territory that the LORD GOD had given them. Any third party whose very presence contaminates and corrupts the fullness of what God has given a wife in her marriage is in direct opposition to the word of God, which is His will.
As wives we must care, confront, and combat this… situation because, believe it or not, it positions you and I to do the same. If a husband is unfaithful, the wife is likely to find herself in a very vulnerable position, and our common enemy, Satan will take advantage of this.
‘THE BOOKS’ tell us in Matthew Five Thirty Two that a man who ‘puts away’ his wife —and bear in mind that one can be physically present but absent — causes his wife to commit adultery.
Even if you are not of the Christian faith, it is quite obvious that a woman who is not finding solace, comfort, and physical intimacy in the arms of her husband, is likely to be tempted to seek it elsewhere. I don’t want to be one who is involved in the exact same thing that I want my husband to extricate himself from. Do you?
Are you a wife? A help, ‘meet’ —suitable, complementary, a helper that balances him, a counterpart.[1] This a very important question to answer before you determine whether it is necessary to seek to oust any intruder in your marriage.
If you are a wife, a help that is ‘meet’ for him you are likely to realize that you owe your husband a duty of care.
His infidelity is dangerous for him. For his reputation, his health, even his very life. Scripture like Proverbs Five Eleven, Proverbs Six, and Proverbs Seven describe in a very graphic manner the pitfalls of infidelity which include, death, disease, wounding, reproach, disgrace, and poverty. Should your first instinct be to abandon him?
If we don’t believe the Proverbs, consider this, the saga of ‘the other woman’ is played out repeatedly in the world today, both with the average Joe on the street, but brought to our attention more visibly by the many prominent men, influential, savvy and disciplined in their disciplines and on the world stage, but knocked off their pedestal, by, in a lot of cases, some unknown ‘other woman’.
Infidelity adversely affects the finances of the family, both from the aspect of the capacity to earn, and from the fact that income and resources are no longer focused in one place and for one purpose — the consolidation, protection, and defense of a single family unit.
Scripture puts it this way, infidelity brings a man to a piece of bread. Proverbs Six Twenty Six and Proverbs Five Ten talks about …your hard earned wealth will go to the house of a foreigner [who does not know God].
Polygamy, or rather, its modern evolution, infidelity, dalliances with strange women and its effects, you will find when traced, trickles down generations. At the risk of sounding repetitive, but for the sake of emphasis, I repeat, the issue of ‘the other woman’ trickles down generations.
It is worthy of note that you and I are fighting for the future marriages of our children and our posterity, as we fight for the survival and thriving of our own.
Your marriage, and mine, the way it goes, the way its conducted, the things that are allowed to sit and dwell in it, will affect our children’s perspective on love, marriage, conflict resolution in marriage, and this is what they in turn will pass down to their children and on through generations ad infinitum. Polygamy, or its modern evolution, infidelity, dalliances with strange women and its effects, I say once again, trickles down generations when traced.
David’s infidelity devastated his family, there was a lot of collateral damage. Discord, murder, incest, rape, violence entered his family, and this despite the fact that he had been forgiven by God.
As a wife you should care because this infidelity on the part of your husband has the potential to affect the health of your family, physically, and mentally. The word of God says flee sexual immorality. It regards it as a clear and present danger.
The Lloyds pharmacy online developed a “Sex Degrees of Separation Calculator” which computes that if the average number of people you have slept with is nine, you may have a total of 3,917,918 indirect sexual connections, even the secular world recognizes the danger. If your significant other is sleeping with other people, your health and the health of your children is in danger.
Infidelity, brings about marital discord, that permeates and affects the atmosphere of the home. It can lead to separation and divorce. This situation is painful, traumatic and colors everything including the psyche of all involved even the innocents. Everything possible must be done to combat this danger.
And last, but definitely not least, we must care simply because it glorifies God. Those of us who are named by the name of Christ are co-laborers in His vineyard, and we must seek to carry out His will. If we say we love Him then we must do what He commands. And His command is, leave, cleave, become one, no one should put asunder.
I rest my case.
Would love to hear what you think.
[1] Genesis 2:18 Amplified
]]>- Decide between the two of you that separation or divorce is NOT an option. That the heart’s desire of both of you is that your marriage will be for a lifetime, not just a moment in time.
- Articulate exactly what you want. Say it properly, politely and clearly. No cryptic clues. When the other person speaks, listen with all of you, then reflect what they’ve said back to them to ensure that you have fully understood.
- Talk about any past hurts. Discuss and try to resolve them so that they are not carried over into every single subsequent interaction in your relationship.
- Sort out any disagreements swiftly so that they don’t fester. Everything said during these times MUST only be said if they advance the cause of the endgame … a resolution of any conflict.
- Always have a picture in your mind and heart of exactly what, in an ideal world you would like your marriage to be like. Then together, map out what are the exact steps that can take you there.
- Stop, and discard any thing, or behavior that can’t get you there and immediately start what can. No matter how hard this might be to do. It might seem mechanical at first, but will become more natural as you persevere and continue to do it.
- Put GOD first. HE is the originator of marriage, HE has the blueprint for it, so ultimately it is to HIM we must go for instruction on how to thrive in it. Continually challenge yourselves as a couple to explore in its entirety what HE has to say about THIS THING CALLED MARRIAGE.
A whole group of us, the ‘it’ girls so to say, were invited for a party in a city about 316 km (196.3 miles) away from campus.
The party took place in an area known for its mountainous terrain and chilly weather. True to the audacity and adventurous nature of youth it was held in the middle of the night, smack dab in a valley, surrounded by mountains.
There were guys, there were girls, there were drinks, and to create the right atmosphere and I guess also because of how cold it was, a large bonfire had been lit and college students in various stages of inebriation swayed, danced or sat around the fire.
The funny thing is we couldn’t remember getting there, but this is what is printed indelibly on her mind – as she sat by the fire sipping a gin and lime, she felt a pair of eyes on her, she looked up, and across the fire she saw a really good-looking guy staring at her. She said that she couldn’t really explain why, but there was just something about that moment, the night, the night air, the fire, the woozy feeling from being slightly tipsy, that moment was just… magical and romantic.
Later neither of them could quite agree on who stared at the other across the fire first.
Each one of us had some story to share, (won’t tell you which ones mine).
Scenario 2. A Levels, a movie, waiting for the movie to start, so many people, boys and girls, not enough seats so much noise in the makeshift theatre. You’d have to shout to be heard. This guy from class comes over to another one of us and whispers in her ear, “would you like me to get you a chair?”. His hot breath on her ear for some strange reason she remembers till today.
And 3, this guy takes one of my girlfriends out for a movie, he’s staring at her and so she says to him, “aren’t you watching the movie?”. He replies, “you watch the movie, I’ll watch you, it’s ok”
We all came to the conclusion that, it’s a good feeling being pursued. Women you feel me? For some reason we just love to be pursued.
That fact that you know, that you know, that you know, that this guy really wants you and is ready willing and able to take the necessary steps to try to have you. It gives a feeling of power, a feeling of being desired, it’s heady, giddy, it’s exciting, it’s flattering it’s… unreal?
Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years later, in marriage, and even if you came out in ashes and sackcloth, shaved your head, rimmed your eyes round with white chalk like a witch doctor and announced loudly “I’m ready”, he’d probably not look up but say something like “about time too, let’s go, we’re late”.
The question is, and I’m asking this sincerely, why can’t the pursuit resulting in this heady, exciting, giddy feeling at least for us women be taken into marriage, and even if it could, should it?
I read or heard somewhere (can’t remember where) that “Happily Ever After” is a story that hasn’t ended yet. True talk! How come all the things he did to get you, he refuses or claims he doesn’t know how to do, to keep you? Guys can you hear me? Answers please.
Remember when he’d call you on the phone and speak for hours on end about everything and anything under the sun. Now you can barely get a decipherable grunt out of him on a good day, on a bad day just a glare.
Research says men have xx words and women xxxxxxxxxx. Really? Funny this wasn’t the case when you were, to use the old-fashioned word… ‘wooing me’. When you’d ask where I was going, how long I was going to be there, could you pick me up, have dinner, just see me. Wow, how times change.
Or take for instance the fact that when you got dressed up to go anywhere, he’d take a long hard look at you from the top to the bottom, (not bottom, bottom, that too, but I’m talking about to your feet), and say something, that each time you’d remember it during the course of the evening and even for some weeks to come, you’d blush and feel tingly all over.
A series I watched on telly, a beautiful woman came out all dressed up and her honey said, “if that’s my birthday present (meaning her), I can’t wait to unwrap it”. Guess that’s just ‘in the movies’.
There are so many I can think of but let’s look at this last one ‘cos I guess by now guys and gals alike you’ve got the picture.
How about the fact that even after a hard day at work in the evenings you couldn’t wait to get me out of whatever I was in and make love to me. After this hard day at work, we could cuddle up and watch a movie. Despite work, we could talk, laugh, play, fight and makeup. What has changed?
I guess like I said at the beginning of this article, ‘…unreal’? ‘Only in the movies’.
Maybe love just changes, fades, and matures.
But I sure do miss “The Passion of Pursuit”. Do you?
]]>
Here are a couple of tips to help you put yourself back together again and forge ahead like the warrior you are.
- Surround yourself with good friends. You know, the kind, the ones that stick with you through thick and thin.
- Count your blessings, because the truth is that no matter how bad it is there is always something you can find to be thankful for.
- Know that it could have been worse. Sometimes when hard things happen it just takes hearing someone else’s story to make you come to the realisation that whilst your situation is indeed difficult, there is someone somewhere that has had it worse.
- Remember that if you make it through, and even, I dare say sometimes as your going through. You are now uniquely positioned to support or transition others on their journey through difficult times. Your pain WILL have a purpose if you let it.
- It is not necessarily anything that you did, or did not do. Life just sometimes happens.
- What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Strength, courage and character are always birthed in, and through adversity.
- Nothing comes to stay, at some stage it will end or pass. Keep this in mind and keep looking, expecting, and reaching for the light at the end of the tunnel.
- Remember that there is really nothing new under the sun. Someone somewhere on this planet earth has been through what you are going through and has come through. You can too.
I am rooting for you, and what is even more important is that a Supreme Being outside the dimension of this time and space is too.
Do not hesitate to call if you need someone to talk to, or if you just want us to look at each of these points a little deeper.
YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY.
]]>We’ve all read the fairy-tales, Cinderella, Snow White, watched the movies, Nollywood, Hollywood, Bollywood where boy meets girl, boy falls in love with girl, they stare into each others eyes, its electrifying, they may face some challenge or obstacle along the way but, they overcome, their love conquers all, they get married, ride off into the sunset together and from there on out, live happily ever after.
But… anyone who’s been married for any length of time will tell you that this is definitely not quite exactly how the cookie crumbles. They would also tell you that marriage is not for babies, neither is it for the faint of heart. It is for mature, (not always a function of age) disciplined people, who understand the nature, and the full ramifications of true commitment.
Every woman wants the ‘Fairy-tale’ but is the fairy-tale notion of marriage, fantasy, fiction, or fact?
Most women want to be wooed, pursued, constantly affirmed, and reaffirmed. It’s a good feeling right? The fact that you know, that you know, that you know, that this guy really wants you, and is ready, willing, and able to take the necessary steps to try to have you, to get you, and keep getting you, even when married. It makes you feel tingly all over, it makes you feel special and desired, it’s heady, giddy, it’s exciting, it’s flattering it’s . . . unreal?
Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years later, in marriage, and even if you came out in sackcloth and ashes, shaved your head, rimmed your eyes round with white chalk like a witch doctor and announced loudly “I’m ready”, he’d probably look up and say something like “About time too, let’s go, we’re late”.
The question is, and I’m asking this sincerely, why can’t the pursuit resulting in this heady, exciting, giddy feeling, at least for us women, be taken into into marriage, and even if it could, sHould it?
I read or heard somewhere (can’t remember where) that “Happily Ever After” (the fairy-tale) is a story that hasn’t ended yet. True Talk!
How come all the things he did to get you, he refuses, or claims he doesn’t know how to do, to keep you?
Guys can you hear me? Answers please.
Remember when he’d call you on the phone and speak for hours on end about everything and anything under the sun. Now you can barely get a decipherable grunt out of him on a good day, on a bad day just a glare.
Research says men have xx words and women xxxxxxxxxx. Really???
Funny this wasn’t the case when you were, to use the old-fashioned word… ‘wooing me’.
When you’d ask where I was going, how long I was going to be there, could you pick me up, have dinner. . . Just see me. Wow’ times change.
Or take for instance the fact that when you got dressed up to go anywhere, he’d take a long hard look at you from the top to the bottom, (not bottom, bottom, that too, but I’m talking about to your feet), and say something, that each time you’d remember it during the course of the evening and even for some weeks to come, you’d blush and feel tingly all over.
A series I watched on Telly, a beautiful woman came out all dressed up and her husband said to her, “if that’s my birthday present(meaning her), I can’t wait to unwrap it”. Guess that’s just ‘in the movies’.
They’re so many examples one could give, but let’s look at this last one ‘cos I guess by now guys and gals alike you’ve got the picture.
How about the fact that even after a hard daY at work in the evenings you couldn’t wait to get me out of whatever I was in and make love to me.
After this hard day at work, we could cuddle up and watch a movie. Despite work, we could talk, laugh, play, fight, and makeup. What has changed?
I guess like I said at the beginning of this article, ‘…unreAl’? ‘Only in the movies’.
Maybe love just changes, fades, matures.
But I sure do miss “The Passion Of Pursuit.” Do you?
Since our God Himself instituted marriage and the marriage covenant, lets look at His blueprint for it since His word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path, Psalm 119:105
What is our God-given entitlement as legitimately married women or women looking forward to being married. Does it include the fairy-tale?
It is very important to explore this, as it will enable us to violently claim what is ours as of right, if it is indeed included in ‘The Books.’ Matthew 11:12 And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of Heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force always bearing in mind though that 2 Corinthians 10:4 says the weapons of our warfare are not carnal…
‘The Books’ say that we should be loved completely, passionately, and sacrificially by our husbands, and the standard and the yardstick for the love we are to be the recipient of, is none other than the Creator of the heavens and the earth Himself, Ephesians 5:25 Husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it
We are to be nourished, and cherished, Ephesians 5:28-29 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:
To husband He says in he ought to love you as his own body, he is to nourish you and cherish you as the Lord does the church.
We are to be loved exclusively, no third party should be in this relationship bar God. We are not suppose to have to compete with his mother, father, sister, brother, friend nor any strange woman for his love, attention, and/or support Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31 …a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and they two shall be one flesh. God created them male and female, Genesis 1:27, 5:2; Matthew 19:4; Mark 10:6. No extramarital relationships, Exodus 20:14; Matthew 5:27-28
We are not out of order to expect understanding, and to be understood by our husbands as ‘The Books’ say Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor to the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered, 1 Peter 3:7
We would be deluding ourselves if we didn’t expect that there would be challenges and obstacles, offences and persecution will come, Matthew 18:7; Luke 17:1; John 16:33; 2 Timothy 3:12 but the truth is that if we let it, deep, intense, fervent love can, will, and does have the potential to conquer all, to overcome, and to cover a multitude of sins, John 16:33b;1 Peter 4:8
I want the fairytale, I want to be wooed, pursued, affirmed… often. Unreal? Just the fodder of movies? I’m inclined not to think so. The fairytale is not all there is to marriage, but it is most definitely a part of it.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
]]>‘The Books’ certainly do
Are holiness, spirituality and sexuality (in marriage) incompatible, and diametrically opposed?
Scripture doesn’t seem to bear this out.
Sex and sexual love are explored fully, deeply and quite explicitly in the word of God
WHAT DO ‘THE BOOKS’ SAY?
Shula was very excited; her lover was coming home this evening.
The air-conditioning blew softly in the background. The diffusers emitting a musky, sensual fragrance. She had on that little red thing he liked to see her in. She hadn’t always been this confident in her ability to express her feelings -these kind of feelings to him- but they’d been through a lot together. The things he said to her, and wrote to her, they made her dark skin blush just to think about them, like when he said, “I love your…” and “the way your…” she had always thought her upper thighs were too big, but he said they were….
These things he continually said to her had empowered her, made her bolder, given her the confidence in her body, mind, and looks to tell him, “smother me with kisses…all over.”
There he is now, she heard him opening the door to their bedroom. She positioned herself just right and said softly, seductively,
“Welcome home my darling, come in and…” ( excerpt from, ‘How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée: A Biblical Perspective’)
This is my rendering of the verses from Song of Solomon 1:2; 4:16; 7:1-9 in today’s parlance.
“SEX is not a word to be whispered and sniggered about quietly so that no one else hears. It is a natural thing, without which the human specie would soon be extinct” (excerpt from, ‘How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée: A Biblical Perspective’)
…and NEWSFLASH!!! GOD knows all about it, He knew each time Adam knew Eve Genesis 4:1, 25; when Cain knew his wife Genesis 4:17; when Abraham knew Sarah, Genesis 21:2.
He created it, and because He loves us provided guidelines for it.
According to ‘The Books’
Sex should be a passionate, passion-filled, satisfying, desire-quenching leaving both the husband and wife fully sated. I say this because ‘The Books’ describe sex as a burning desire that can be pleasurably ‘dealt’ with within marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:9 …for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Sex is sacred, within the confines of marriage
Hebrews 13:4 …the marriage bed undefiled [by immorality or by any sexual sin]…
In marriage the mans body is the wife’s to derive pleasure from, and the woman’s body, the husbands for that same reason. Neither party should deny the other this pleasure, it is a ‘due’ (owed) benevolence, 1 Corinthians 7:3-4
Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence:and likewise also the husband unto the wife.‘The Books’ describe doing such as fraud
1 Corinthians 7:5 Defraud ye no one the other…
There is and should be a physical joining and union of bodies in marriage. The word of God in Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave unto his wife:and they shall become one flesh.” Refers to this physical union in,
Mark 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh and yet again in, Ephesians 5:31 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and that two shall be one flesh.”
And in case anyone is of the opinion that this ‘one flesh’ is just symbolic when people are joined as man and wife, the Word talks about the perverse, converse aberration of this when a man… or woman joins themselves to a harlot, 1 Corinthians 6:16
Sex does, and should involve various different body parts, including the mouth, active, and actively vocalizing intimate things.
‘The Books’ are not reticent, or guarded, shielded or prudish, about this beautiful expression of love in marriage that God Himself created, rather it is expressed quite graphically Proverbs 5:19 “…let her (your wife’s) bosom (breasts Christians) satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love”
Song of Solomon 4:16 ”…blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits”
Song of Solomon 7:7-8 This thy stature is like to a palm tree, and thy breasts to clusters of grapes.
I said, I will go up to the palm tree, I will take hold of the boughs thereof: now also thy breasts shall be as clusters of the vine
All this and more is given by God to be enjoyed ONLY in the marriage union. It is reminiscent of the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Genesis 2: 16- 17 And the Lord God commanded the man saying, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou majestic freely eat. BUT…
SEX is godly, it is enjoyable, sating, at times mind-blowing, taking one to pleasurable heights of ecstasy BUT… within the boundaries of marriage. Adam and Eve ignored this instruction to their peril, and we are suffering the results of this to this day, Romans 5:12 Wherefore as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin…
So, are you married? Have you had any good sex lately? If not, go have some, its allowed, and encouraged by the ultimate authority, God.
Guys pre-prepare her for tips get my book ‘How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée: A Biblical Perspective’**
Ladies, cut him some slack, learn to express what gets you ready for him by reading my book too.
I’d love to hear you comments on this article, so do get in touch, amaka@amakachika-mbonu.com
** The book, ‘How To Get Your Wife To Swing From The Chandelier In A Red Negligée: A Biblical Perspective is also available on Amazon Kindle iBooks Nook Konga Okada Books and my website Amaka Chika-Mbonu
]]>Like the average woman I look at myself in the mirror my face, my figure, my complexion, spots, pimples, blemishes and I think to myself…ok you’re not a raving beauty, but you clean up pretty well. With the right make-up, clothes, etc you don’t look half bad, but… and wait for it, would I announce this to the world, or, for that matter even to a small group of girl friends.
I’d like us to really consider this, where do we draw the line between being confident and being arrogant, the line between narcissism and simply loving the skin your in.
There was a vitriolic backlash in one of the UK newspapers some time ago, in response to an article by a woman, who expressed the opinion that she was so beautiful, that men always offered to pay for things for her, and women on the other hand would instantly dislike her.
The lyrics of a song “Pretty Girl Rock”, by American singer Keri Hilson comes to mind,
“All eyes on me when I walk in, no question that this girls a ten”, “my walk, my talk the way I dress it’s not my fault so please don’t trip …girls think I’m conceited ‘cos I know I’m attractive”.
I guess the question is, if all this IS true and you know it, is it really in good taste to… say it?
Shouldn’t you let others say it for you, while you blush and say in a slightly embarrassed manner, “thank you” or “your exaggerating” or make some other self deprecating comment; on the other hand, come to think about it, isn’t that a form of hypocrisy.
A great book, l like to call, ‘The Books’ spoke about not praising or drawing attention to yourself, rather, to let others do that for you, and it seems to be somewhat generally accepted that one should not “blow their own trumpet” as it were. When you consider it a bit deeper though, is there such a thing as false modesty, or should one consider the fact that if you don’t “blow your own trumpet” who will?
There is also the consideration that no matter how beautiful you think, or believe you are on the outside, the fact that you are so bold and brazen as to say it, doesn’t that point to the fact that there might be something not so beautiful about you on the inside.
There must, I guess be a balance to be struck between all these seemingly conflicting stances. I leave that to you to figure out.
Thoughts please.
]]>It brought to mind a series of discussions I’d had with my then 16 going on 36 year old daughter over the Half-Term, concerning whether she should be allowed to ‘borrow’ mummy’s things all the time, some of the time, only on special occasions, or just plain never.
In her favorite words, when she asks, if I say no, “But why Mummy? It’s not fair”.
Now I’m definitely not (yet) in the £100,000 a week category, but Im not chopped liver either. By the grace of God I do have quite a few nice pieces, a quilted Chanel, python-skin Louboutin and Celine here, and some rocks and rock studded high-end watches there.
The question is, and I’m asking all of us; when is it ok for our girls to wear our stuff. Is there some kind of written or unwritten code or index that determines when they can or can’t, at what age they should, or should never start doing so, 13, 16, 21? More to the point is there a price range, “Oh yes Montana you can definitely wear the high heels with the chipped heel that I got at a bargain price from **** but definitely not the £1,700 pointy python-skin Loubies from **** “Yes, to the oversized tote I bought for £15.00 in the sale last Summer, but no, to the Celine tote that looks just the same, was £3,500, and yes, I know I don’t tote it around any more because I’ve bought two more since then, and its now sitting at the back of my wardrobe”.
To take it a bit further, what if Mummy dearest only has the high-end things, does that ban baby girl from ever ‘borrowing’ Mummy’s things, does it mean that Mummy just has to keep buying her the things that fit within her price range, (whatever that is? we haven’t identified it yet). till she gets to the ‘right’ age (we haven’t identified that yet either). What exactly is the rule here?
I really can’t say I know, but if I were to attempt to answer, I would say that as mothers, grandmothers and mothers-to-be, let us do everything within our power to bring up young women who are beautiful inside and out.
Stylish, elegant and appropriately dressed for every occasion, but kind, compassionate, loving, giving, and patient on the inside.
Able to dress themselves with a lot, but also able to put themselves together with a little. Women who derive their self-worth not just from the value of what they own, or what they have on, but from loftier and more lasting ideals. Women who judge themselves not from the price of a shoe, a bag, a watch or a bauble, that changes from season to season, but from things that last, integrity, loyalty, strength of character and steadfastness.
]]>Let’s look a bit deeper at the word ‘sparkle’
The dictionary defines this word as, to shine or glisten with little gleams of light, as a brilliant gem; glitter; coruscate, (to emit vivid flashes of light; sparkle; scintillate; gleam),
to be brilliant, lively, or vivacious.
One of the images that comes to mind when one thinks of the word ‘sparkle’ is a diamond, in fact diamonds are called sparklers, whichever way you turn them they sparkle. Life does sometimes hit a downward turn. At times like this it is important that we continue to sparkle, (be brilliant lively and vivacious).
People tend to forget that, as a I saw in a quote, “A diamond is just a piece of charcoal that handled stress really well.” We all know how different the grimy, easy-to-crush-into-dust charcoal looks, as compared to the shiny beautiful almost indestructible diamond.
We must walk tall through it all, through the vicissitudes of life, because strength, courage, and character are always only born in and through adversity.
The No. 1 bestseller of all time ‘The Books’ puts it this way.
Romans 5:3-5
…We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!
AND
2 Corinthians 4:17 (Amp)
These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us.
Diamond or sparklers have facets, and it is these facets that produce the sparkle.
What exactly are facets in relation to diamonds? They “are the smooth surface areas of a diamond which have been cut, polished and positioned at different angles which allow light to enter and reflect back from the stone.”
“The depth, width, and uniformity of the facets control the brilliance and the durability of a diamond. The quality of the facets of a diamond are the major determining factor in enhancing the diamond’s ability to sparkle or reflect light, and play a large part in the resulting brilliance of the stone.”
So, to become a diamond you must have pressure, to sparkle you must be cut and polished and positioned. You must be cut several times deeply, widely, that is, across several areas of your life, and likely in the same way and in the same area uniformly many times again and again; and cutting of any kind always hurts.
Diamonds, sparklers, are precious because they are rare, and hard to find, they are not common. It is not easy to sparkle. In line with the analogy of sparkle, being akin to a diamond, it is important to note that after a piece of coal has withstood all the stress and pressure and becomes a diamond, it is still just “a diamond in the rough”. It, at this point now has to go through a process of cutting, polishing, and setting.
Unfortunately, not everyone will be able to withstand the pressure required to produce a sparkler, but we must purpose in our hearts that we will be one of the few who do. Some of us are diamonds right now, albeit in the rough, but diamonds none the less)
Every person, especially a woman must radiate beauty, her countenance should not be downcast and dour. ‘The Books’ encourage us to, “Take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” John 16:33
As a woman of faith, I cannot but point out that this sparkle must not just be physical but also spiritual,
1 Peter 3:3-7
What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes— but your inner disposition.
Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands. Sarah, for instance, taking care of Abraham, would address him as “my dear husband.” You’ll be true daughters of Sarah if you do the same, unanxious and unintimidated.
The same goes for you husbands: Be good husbands to your wives. Honor them, delight in them. As women they lack some of your advantages. But in the new life of God’s grace, you’re equals. Treat your wives, then, as equals so your prayers don’t run aground.
What is on the inside tends to spill over to the outside, “It’s who you are, not what you say and do, that counts. Your true being brims over into true words and deeds,” Luke 6:45.
A woman especially must be beautiful from the inside out, not like the pharisees described in Matthew 23:27 …Frauds! You’re like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it’s all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh.
How do we maintain our sparkle?
By being confident assured and convicted in our hearts that we are not ugly. There is no ugly woman. We are ALL fearfully and wonderfully made he knew us before we were born and knit us together in Our mothers womb, Psalm 139:14
By spending time with God, immersing ourselves in His word and in His glorious presence,
2 Corinthians 3:18
All of us! Nothing between us and God, our faces shining with the brightness of his face. And so we are transfigured much like the Messiah, our lives gradually becoming brighter and more beautiful as God enters our lives and we become like him.
When Moses came down from the mountain after spending time with God he was sparkling
Exodus 34:29
When Moses came down from Mount Sinai carrying the two Tablets of The Testimony, he didn’t know that the skin of his face glowed because he had been speaking with God.
By surrounding ourselves with good friends, and positioning ourselves in the right place. To maintain its sparkle a beautiful diamond must always be placed in the right setting,
Matthew 5:14-16
…You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine!
A diamond must not be placed where anything can dull its shine, or not fully show case its brilliance. In a jewellery shop diamonds are always showcased in light so their brilliance is apparent as if their on fire. “You use steel to sharpen steel, and one friend sharpens another,” Proverbs 27:17
By getting rid of sin. 1 Corinthians 5:6-7 …You pass it off as a small thing, but it’s anything but that. Yeast, too, is a “small thing,” but it works its way through a whole batch of bread dough pretty fast. So get rid of this “yeast.”… Diamonds have grades depending on how clear they are, VS, VVS, IF, FL. Some have inclusions (blemishes) so visible that it can affect their transparency and brilliance, others are flawless, those are the priceless ones. We must strive for holiness and perfection.
To cap it all ladies, look beautiful. It is difficult to believe that you are sparkling on the inside and yet you are dull, dirty, and depressing on the outside.
Put on a nice dress, brush you hair, smell nice, laugh, love, and you will find that you will be loved. Even if you don’t feel that way, do it by faith.Everything God created is beautiful, the blue of the sky, the green of the trees a beautiful sunset.
The garments of the High Priests were, linen with gold, blue, purple and scarlet. they were were clasped together at the shoulder by two onyx stones set in gold. There were four rows of stones: sardius, a topaz, and an emerald; a turquoise, a sapphire, and a diamond; a jacinth, an agate, and an amethyst; a beryl, an onyx, and a jasper, Exodus 28:1-43.
‘The Books’ tell us that these outfits were designed not just for holiness, but also for beauty, Exodus 28:2.
The place where God resides is described in ‘The Books this way-
Revelation 21:11
…The City shimmered like a precious gem, light-filled, pulsing light.
v18-21
The wall was jasper, the color of Glory, and the City was pure gold, translucent as glass. The foundations of the City walls were garnished with every precious gem imaginable: the first foundation jasper, the second sapphire, the third agate, the fourth emerald, the fifth onyx, the sixth carnelian, the seventh chrysolite, the eighth beryl, the ninth topaz, the tenth chrysoprase, the eleventh jacinth, the twelfth amethyst. The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate a single pearl.
The main street of the City was pure gold,translucent as glass.
God is in the beauty business and he is in the business of beauty. So sparkle, keep sparkling, and maintain it.
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